Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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