You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
