Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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