He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
