I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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