dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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