i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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