Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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