Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
