My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
