Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
