My brain says no but my pants say off.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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