i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
