So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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