You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
