when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
