My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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