ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
