dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
