I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
