People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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