You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
