I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
