woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
