My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
