TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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