just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
