I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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