haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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