Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
