This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
