my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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