and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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