was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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