And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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