just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
