You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
