i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
