He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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