drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
