only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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