I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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