I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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