I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So many bounce houses so little time
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
