sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
