just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
