you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
