Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Vodka?
Forever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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