This house was built for laser tag.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need to calm my uterus...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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