You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We have started to decorate penises.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
