I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
